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Campaign Slogans for George W
1. I’ll turn capital punishment into a new game show!2. I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time. 3. I’ll finish what Bill started — the interns.4. Like father, like son. You liked my dad, right?5. Vote for the GOP, Not OPP. 6. I promise no sex scandal: just look [...]
TOP TEN NEW INTEL SLOGANS FOR THE PENTIUM
TOP TEN NEW INTEL SLOGANS FOR THE PENTIUM 9.9999973251 It’s a FLAW, Dammit, not a Bug8.9999163362 It’s the new math 7.9999414610 Nearly 300 Correct Opcodes 6.9999831538 You Don’t Need to Know What’s Inside 5.9999835137 Redefining the PC — and Mathematics As Well 4.9999999021 We Fixed It, Really 3.9998245917 Division Considered Harmful2.9991523619 Why Do You Think [...]
Pray for a bike
When i was a kid i used to pray for a new bike. But then I realised that the lord doesn’t work that way, so i stole one and asked him to forgive me!
Proof That Santa Doesn’t Exist – For Nerds!
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) [...]
Top Twenty New Slogans for Valuejet Airlines
ValueJet: When you just can’t wait for the world to come to you. ValueJet: We’re Amtrak with wings. Join our frequent near-miss program. On flights, every section is a smoking section. Ask about our out-of-court settlements. Our staff has had lots of experience consoling next-of-kin. Are our jet engines too noisy? Don’t worry. We’ll turn [...]
The Top Bad Excuses For Speeding
This is my tryout for Nascar.” “I’ve got to get back to Amish Country before they realize that I am missing.” “That McDonald’s offer is for a Limited Time only and buddy, that could run out at ANYTIME!” “I’m trying to rush home for the new Hanson video debut on MTV.” “Cause those Gorditas rule.” [...]
Condoms For Every Man
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What’s are these, Dad?” To which the man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.” “Oh I see,” replied the boys pensively. “Yes, I’ve [...]
Martha Stewart’s Rules for Rednecks
GENERAL 1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you’re certain that you are included [...]
One for the Volunteers
Tennessee folks make fun of their northern Virginian neighbors with this quip: You know why birds fly upside down over Scott County, Virginia? “Cause there ain’t nothin’ worth shittin’ on up there!