know
10 things men know
10 things men know about women:——————————-1:2:3:4:5:6:7:8:9:10: They have tits
You know you drink too much coffee when…
1. Juan Valdez names his mule after you.2. You chew on your roommate’s fingernails. 3. You can jump-start your car without cables. 4. You do twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in. 5. You can’t remember your second cup. 6. You have a picture of your coffeemug on your coffee [...]
You know you drink too much coffee when…
1. Juan Valdez names his mule after you.2. You chew on your roommate’s fingernails. 3. You can jump-start your car without cables. 4. You do twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in. 5. You can’t remember your second cup. 6. You have a picture of your coffeemug on your coffee [...]
You Know You’re Out Of College When…
1. Your salary is less than your tuition.2. Your potted plants stay alive.3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.7. You haven’t seen a soap opera in [...]
You Know You’re Having a Bad Day When…
Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell’s Angels motorcyclists. You’ve been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open or your blouse unbuttoned. Your twin sister forgets your birthday. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles. You call the suicide prevention hotline and they put you [...]
You Know You’re Too Stressed If…
You can achieve a “Runner’s High” by sitting up. The Sun is too loud. Trees begin to chase you. You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso. You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee. You can hear mimes. You say the [...]
You Know You’re In California When…
The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway. You were born somewhere else. You know how to eat an artichoke. The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic. Your car has bulletproof windows. Left is right and right is wrong. Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income. Your mouse has only [...]
You know you are in a Texas church when
People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark. The preacher says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering” and five guys stand up. The restrooms are outside. Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. A member of the church requests to be buried in his [...]
I don’t know her
A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing. “Why don’t you do that?” said the wife. “Honey,” replied her husband, “I don’t even know that woman!